February: Summary of a Very Trying Month

 February, in the key of “Are you kidding me?”

February arrived with the energy of a landlord knocking on the door with a clipboard. Every time I turned around, something else needed fixing: a car, then another car, then the fridge, oh and also my computer. It felt like the universe was running a stress test on my adulthood, one appliance at a time.  Certain things were supposed to happen and didn't, which means the limbo continues—like a sitcom character who keeps walking into the same room expecting a different plot.

And yet, somehow, I didn’t fall apart. I just… folded inward. The hermit switch flipped itself on. I needed it in order just to survive.

There’s a particular mode I drop into when life gets too loud. It’s not glamorous. It’s not social. It’s not even particularly visible. It’s the mode where I stop trying to perform “being fine” and instead start quietly building things. This month, that mode took over completely. And in that, some stuff really changed for me.

I accepted new creative paths I didn’t see coming. I let myself disappear into ideas, frameworks, emotional logic, and the kind of world‑building that feels like breathing. I wasn’t hiding. I was incubating.

It was a month of “No, I can’t go out—I’m busy rearranging the architecture of my brain.”

Even in hermit mode, I wasn’t alone. I had conversations that were so sharp and strange and nourishing they felt like someone tapping a tuning fork against my ribcage. The kind of conversations that make you remember you’re alive, even when you’re living like a cryptid in your own house.

They didn’t fix anything practical. They didn’t make the repairs cheaper or end the inertia. But they made the month feel less like a series of invoices and more like a turning point. When I zoom out, February wasn’t a disaster. It was a recalibration. A stripping‑down. A reminder that I’m someone who builds when things break, someone who goes quiet when the world gets loud, someone who finds clarity in the middle of logistical nonsense.

It wasn’t pretty. But it was honest. And maybe that’s enough for a month that felt like a suffocating, mundane hell. 

Ode to an Empty: Mitchell & Peach — English Leaf Body Soufflé

 Mitchell & Peach — English Leaf Body Soufflé

A product I didn’t expect to love… and then absolutely did.

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: I truly didn’t think I would like Mitchell & Peach’s English Leaf Body Soufflé. The scent hits you hard at first — sharp, green, almost aggressively herbal. But the texture of the cream was so good that I kept using it anyway. And somewhere along the way, something shifted. The intensity softened, the basil mellowed, and suddenly it worked beautifully with my chemistry. That surprise is what made me fall for it.

1. Did I use this?

Absolutely. I squeezed out every last drop.

2. Was it a good amount?

It lasted two full months, which felt perfect for something I was using constantly. And honestly, considering how often I end up tossing half‑empty skincare bottles, finishing this one felt like a small personal victory. I didn’t need it to last longer — it lived exactly the right lifespan.

3. Did I enjoy it?

I adored it. I didn’t just like the scent; I craved it. It became part of my daily scent architecture, something I needed woven into whatever else I was wearing. The cream melted into my skin beautifully, and the softness it left behind was something I savored every time.

4. Did it live up to my expectations?

This one took me on a journey. When I first learned I was getting it, I was excited. When I actually smelled it, that excitement dipped hard. But once I let it settle and interact with my skin, the excitement came back — stronger, even. It was a whole little drama, and honestly, that’s part of what made me love it.

5. Would I repurchase?

Yes. The way this cream changed how my body layered other scents was unique and special. I’m going to miss that effect, and it’s not something I can easily replace. With something this distinctive, it’s hard to walk away.

Beauty as Sovereignty

 There comes a point in a woman’s life — usually somewhere after 40, definitely after 50 — when the world starts acting like she’s fading out of frame. Not because she has, but because people stop looking. Or worse, they look through her, as if she’s become part of the wallpaper.

I refuse that fate.

And I think more of us should.

Because beauty, at this stage of life, isn’t about chasing youth or pleasing strangers. It’s about sovereignty — the radical act of choosing how you want to exist in your own skin.

I decide the terms.

Not the trend cycle. Not the beauty industry. Not the people who think visibility has an expiration date. Me.

I choose the texture, the mess, the shine.

Some days that means a full face of makeup that looks like I’m going somewhere important, even if I’m not. Some days it’s bare skin and too much gloss. Some days it’s glitter on my legs because it makes me laugh. Some days it’s letting my hair grow where it grows, because I’m not here to curate my humanity for anyone else’s comfort.

I’m not here to be palatable; I’m here to be Present.

Pretty is optional. Presence is not. Presence is what fills a room. Presence is what says, “I’m still here, and I’m not dimming myself to make you comfortable.” And that includes accepting our bodies as they are at the moment, closing reality over shame.

Because yes — I’m fat.

Not “curvy,” not “plus‑size,” not “working on it.” Fat.

And I’m still beautiful.

Not in a “despite” way. Not in a “body positivity” way. In a sovereign way.

My body is not an apology, it’s a declaration. It's chub and scars and hair and tears and sweat and scent and breath and math.

A declaration that I have lived.

A declaration that I have survived things that would have flattened a lesser person.

A declaration that I am allowed to take up space — physical, emotional, visual — without asking permission.

Women over 50 are often told to shrink.

Shrink your waist. 

Shrink your voice.

Shrink your presence.

Shrink your expectations.

Shrink your wardrobe into something “age‑appropriate.”

No.

Absolutely not.

Beauty is not compliance — it’s authorship.

It’s the story I write on my skin every morning.

It’s the way I choose to be seen, even in a world that sometimes pretends not to see me.

It’s the way I refuse to disappear.

When I put on makeup, I’m not trying to rewind the clock. I’m not trying to look younger, smaller, sweeter, or safer. I’m not trying to be the kind of woman who blends into the background.

I’m trying to be sovereign.

I’m trying to say:

“I am here. I matter. I deserve to look as good as I want to look.”

And if that makes someone uncomfortable?

That’s their problem.

Not mine.

Beauty, at this age, is not a performance for others.

It’s a ritual for myself.

Not a mask, but a crown.

Not perfection, but power.

This is beauty as sovereignty — the kind that doesn’t ask for permission, doesn’t apologize for existing, and doesn’t shrink to fit anyone’s expectations.

And if the world wants to look away?

Let it.

I’ll still be here, shining on my own terms.

Ipsy Original February 2026: My Thoughts

2026 February’s Ipsy Original bag arrived with the exact energy of a friend who texts “don’t be mad” before showing up at your door. I went into this month fully expecting at least one dud — maybe even a full-on “why would you send me this” moment — but I was still hopeful. That’s the thing about subscription beauty: you brace for chaos, you pray for delight, and you accept that sometimes you’re going to get a mini mascara you absolutely did not ask for.

Still, I love the process. The unzipping, the first glance, the tiny internal gasp when something is actually good. February had a little of everything: the chaotic, the charming, the unnecessary, and the unexpectedly perfect. Let’s get into it.

BEAUTY CREATIONS COSMETICS Plump & Pout Lip Plumping Booster Gloss — Pink Lemonade

First Impressions: This gloss burns. Not disastrously, but enough to make you question your choices if you apply it to bare lips. Over other lip products, though, the burn softens into a warm tingle that’s actually pretty tolerable. The taste is good — dangerously good — and licking it will absolutely sting your tongue.

Application & Performance: Over lipstick or balm, it’s fine. On bare skin, it’s chaos. The plumping

effect is real, but it comes with a learning curve. Once you figure out the order of operations, it behaves.

Packaging & Delivery: The “shot” packaging is funny and on theme, but the delivery system is overenthusiastic. Too much product comes out at once, which makes precision tricky.

Will I Use This? Yes — but only over other lip products.

Excitement Level: Pretty high. I needed another lip plumper, and this one fills that need.

Do I Feel Cheated? Not at all. There’s a generous amount of product.

Overall: A spicy, slightly chaotic gloss that works best when handled with respect. Cute, effective, and a little dangerous.

ERBORIAN CC Red Correct

First Impressions: Instant love. It goes on green, melts into the skin, and neutralizes redness without leaving that weird gray green cast most correctors give me. I was pleased immediately, and then even more pleased once it settled. The tube is small, but the dispenser is controlled and nothing gets wasted.

Application & Performance: Smooth, blendable, and genuinely effective. It disappears into the skin while making everything look more even. A little goes a long way.

Packaging & Delivery: Small tube, smart design. The controlled dispenser keeps the product from spurting out, which matters because every drop counts.

Will I Use This? Absolutely. I will squeeze the last drops out of this tube.

Excitement Level: Very high. My skin needs this kind of correction, and most green products turn me into a Victorian ghost. This one doesn’t.

Do I Feel Cheated? Not even slightly.

Overall: A tiny powerhouse. Beautiful performance, smart packaging, and genuinely effective color correction. A new staple.

PRADOS Start with the Slay Primer

First Impressions: This is one of the three primers I’m testing this month — the full “Tale of Three Primers” is coming soon — and this one made a strong showing. It’s a thick, clear gel that goes on smoothly and sinks beautifully into my traitorous pores. It feels like it’s doing exactly what a primer should do.

Application & Performance: Smooth, grippy, and effective. It creates a nice base without feeling heavy or sticky. It behaves well under makeup and doesn’t fight with anything layered on top.

Packaging & Delivery: Opening it was… a journey. So many layers of protection. A full beauty condom situation. But once I got through the packaging gauntlet, the product itself was easy to work with.

Will I Use This? Yes. This will absolutely get used.

Excitement Level: High. The quest for the perfect primer continues, and I’m genuinely pleased to have this one in the lineup.

Do I Feel Cheated? Not really. It’s a mini, so I’m probably only getting three uses out of it, but that’s expected for the size.

Overall: This is a well-done primer that performs exactly as promised. Smooth, effective, and worth testing in the larger “primer showdown.”

SEPHORA COLLECTION Size Up VolumizingMascara

First Impressions: SIGH. I did not need this. I did not need a mini mascara. And yet — here it is. The presentation didn’t help either; it arrived in one of those flimsy cardboard fold-overs they use for perfume samples. Nothing about it felt luxe or exciting.

Application & Performance: I’ll be honest: I didn’t even get far enough to test it. This is going straight to someone else who might actually want it. Mascara is not a category I need more of, especially in mini form.

Packaging & Delivery: Cheap looking, uninspired, and not the experience I expect from a beauty subscription. The only nice thing I can say is that the black of the container was a very lovely black.

Will I Use This? No. This is being gifted to a friend.

Excitement Level: I’m excited that someone else will enjoy it. That’s about it.

Do I Feel Cheated? A little, yes. I have my profile set to rarely send me mascaras — and yet here we are.

Overall: A miss for me. Unnecessary, unimpressive, and not aligned with my preferences. At least the packaging’s black was pretty.

ELEMIS Pro Collagen Black CherryCleansing Balm

First Impressions: This is so good I could almost purr. The scent hits first — not “teen body spray cherry” and not “old candle at the Wiccan bookstore,” but a deep, dark, earthy cherry that feels grown, grounded, and quietly indulgent. It lingers on the skin well into the next day, and cleansing with it feels like a ritual rather than a task.

Application & Performance: Your fingers sink into the balm and meet this soft, velvety texture that melts instantly. It massages beautifully, breaks down makeup effortlessly, and rinses clean without stripping. It’s one of those rare products where the sensory experience and the performance are equally excellent.

Packaging & Delivery: The container is a gorgeous deep black cherry red — rich, moody, and perfectly aligned with the scent. It sets the tone before you even open it. The packaging feels premium and intentional, exactly what this formula deserves.

Will I Use This? As with all Elemis products, I will use this until someone forcibly removes the empty container from my hand.

Excitement Level: Extremely high. It scents my whole bathroom, and I smile every time I walk in, knowing I get to use it again. This is the kind of product that becomes a ritual.

Do I Feel Cheated? Not at all. This is glorious.

Overall: A sensual, grounded, beautifully executed cleansing balm that turns a daily routine into a moment of indulgence. The scent, the texture, the packaging — everything works in harmony. A standout product.

MILANI Conceal + PerfectLiquid Contour in Honey

First Impressions: I’ve heard great things about Milani — it’s one of the drugstore brands people actually trust — but after wrestling with my tarte bronzer, I wasn’t sure what to expect. The shade Honey immediately gave me hope, though. It’s much closer to the tone and temperament of my skin than the bronzer I already own, and that alone made me optimistic.

Application & Performance: The color was exactly right. It blends into my skin beautifully and gives me the warmth I want without looking muddy or harsh. The applicator is surprisingly easy to control, especially compared to other liquid bronzers that seem determined to sabotage me. It performs well, behaves predictably, and doesn’t dry down too fast.

Packaging & Delivery: The tube is on the smaller side, but honestly, that’s a good thing — liquid bronzers can dry out if you don’t use them quickly. The screw-on lid works fine, but it doesn’t have that inner click stop mechanism, so you have to be mindful when closing it. Not a dealbreaker, just something to note.

Will I Use This? Yes. Happily.

Excitement Level: Solidly pleased. It fills a real gap in my collection, and the shade match alone makes it worth keeping in rotation.

Do I Feel Cheated? Not at all. The color works, the formula works, and I’m glad to have it.

Overall: A well-matched, easy-to-use liquid contour that performs better than expected. The shade Honey is a standout, and the formula makes it approachable even for someone who’s had mixed experiences with bronzers. I plan to use it completely.

And with that, February’s bag closes its little heart-shaped zipper and wanders off into the sunset, leaving me with one skincare win, two makeup hopefuls, one chaotic gloss, and a mascara I will never speak of again. It wasn’t a perfect month, but it had personality — and honestly, that’s half the fun. Here’s to March: may it be generous, lux, and mascara-free.

Social Wellness: Finding Connection Without Exhaustion

For a long time, social wellness felt like something other people were naturally good at. I get nervous in social situations. I get quiet. I feel the impact of everyone in the room pressing in on me, even when no one is doing anything wrong. Online, I can talk for hours. In person, I sometimes forget how to be myself. And honestly? You can fall out of practice. It happens quietly, slowly, and then suddenly you realize you’re not sure how to step back in.

When I started this wellness project, I didn’t set big goals. I didn’t try to “fix” my social life or force myself into constant interaction. My first month’s goal was simple: go to my best friend’s house for Halloween. One night. One event. No pressure to be charming or outgoing or “on.” Just show up.

And that was enough.

Every month since then, my social goal has been just as small — one event, one moment of connection, one intentional step outward. And the surprising thing is that these tiny goals didn’t limit me. They opened me. I’ve actually done more socially as the months have passed, not because I pushed myself, but because I stopped overwhelming myself.

Social wellness, for me, isn’t about being extroverted or constantly available. It’s about finding connection without exhaustion — choosing the people who feel like home, setting boundaries that protect my energy, and letting myself practice being human again, one gentle step at a time.

Over these past months, something else shifted too: I worked up the courage to start going to therapy in person. For a long time, that felt impossible — too vulnerable, too exposed, too “seen.” But walking into that room, sitting across from someone who was fully present with me, has been fundamentally good for me. I’m getting a better experience now that I’m there in person. The conversations feel deeper. The progress feels more real. It’s like showing up physically helped me show up emotionally in a way I didn’t expect. And that, in its own way, has been a form of social wellness too — practicing connection in a space designed to hold me.

If you're starting this journey, I know that social goals can feel massive. They can feel like maybe you're doing too much or not enough. The thing is, there is no right or wrong answer here. It all depends on what you can handle. If your social goal can be no more than 'I'll text that person back," so be it. It's a goal you can meet.

Social wellness has been, for me, a practice of returning — returning to myself, to the people who feel like home, and to the small, steady steps that make connection feel possible again. It’s been a season of learning how to show up without overwhelming myself, how to let support in, and how to rebuild confidence one moment at a time.

And now that I’m finding my footing with people again, I’m noticing something else: the spaces around me matter too. The environments I live in, work in, and rest in shape my energy just as much as my relationships do. Which brings us to our next spoke in the Wellness Wheel: Environmental Wellness — the art of creating surroundings that support who you’re becoming, not just who you’ve been.

Financial Wellness: Building Stability One Tiny Habit at a Time

 Money is one of the most complicated parts of wellness — not because dollars are hard to understand, but because the emotions wrapped around them can feel overwhelming. Even people with steady jobs and regular paychecks struggle with financial stress. Maybe their workplace is toxic. Maybe they’re afraid of losing their job. Maybe they’re carrying debt or living paycheck to paycheck.

Money touches everything, and when it feels unstable, we feel unstable.

For me, financial wellness has always been one of the hardest spokes on the Wellness Wheel. I’ve been poor most of my life, and I’ve carried a lot of shame around that. There’s this awful cultural message that says, “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?” And even though I know that’s not how the world works, it still got under my skin. It made me feel like I was failing at something everyone else seemed to understand.

So when I sat down to set a Monthly Wellness Goal for the financial spoke, I felt stuck. How do you set a goal in an area where you’ve spent years feeling defeated? How do you even begin?

The answer, for me, was: very, very small.

My goal wasn’t to save a certain amount of money or overhaul my budget or magically fix my financial life. I didn’t have the resources for that, and honestly, I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth either.

My goal was simply this:

Do some research.

That’s it.

Just spend a little time looking up what resources were available to me.

No pressure.

No deadlines.

No big dramatic transformation.

Just curiosity.

And something surprising happened: that tiny action made me feel calmer. Not because my financial situation changed overnight, but because I changed. I stopped avoiding the topic. I stopped treating money like a monster under the bed. I started gathering information, and information is grounding.

Financial calm creates emotional calm.

Even the smallest step can shift something inside you.

If you’re working on your own financial wellness, you don’t have to start big. You don’t have to fix everything. You don’t have to become a budgeting wizard or a savings expert. You can start with one tiny habit — one that feels doable, not punishing.

Maybe it’s:

• tracking your spending for a week

• unsubscribing from impulse‑buy emails

• saving $5 instead of $50

• calling a local resource center

• or, like me, just doing a little research

Financial wellness isn’t about perfection.

It’s about building stability one small, compassionate step at a time.

And you deserve that stability — not because you’ve “earned” it, but because you’re a human being trying to build a life that feels safe and steady.

When I look back at that month, what stands out isn’t the research itself — it’s the shift that happened inside me. I stopped treating money like a verdict on my worth and started treating it as another part of my wellness that deserved gentleness and curiosity. I didn’t fix everything. I didn’t suddenly become financially secure. But I did something far more important: I stopped hiding from the topic.

And that tiny act of courage created a little more calm in my life. A little more breathing room. A little more trust in myself.

Financial wellness isn’t about being wealthy. It’s about building a relationship with money that doesn’t drain you, shame you, or make you feel small. It’s about taking one small step that helps you feel steadier in your own life.

And once you start to feel that steadiness — even just a little — it becomes easier to look outward again. To reconnect. To rebuild community. To nurture the relationships that hold you up.

Which brings us to the next spoke on the Wellness Wheel: Social Wellness — the art of belonging, connection, and letting yourself be supported.

Physical Wellness: Learning to Live in My Body Again

Physical wellness has always been the hardest spoke for me. Not because I didn’t care about it, but because for most of my life, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to participate in it. When you live in a very large body, the world has a way of making you feel like physical wellness is for other people — thinner people, fitter people, people who don’t get stared at or judged or dismissed the moment they walk into a room.

In fact, for most of my life, if I had seen this Wellness Wheel, I would have just felt devastated because I felt like the physical part of this would never be something obtainable. For years, anything “physical” filled me with shame. Movement felt like a punishment. Food felt like a battlefield. Or my savior. Or my prison. My body felt like something I had failed at. And when you feel that way long enough, you start to believe you don’t deserve to be part of the conversation at all.

But here’s the truth I’ve learned, slowly and stubbornly, over the last two years: Physical wellness belongs to me too.

I used to weigh over 500 pounds. Today, I weigh just under 300. That number doesn’t define me, but it does tell a story — a story of survival, of persistence, of learning my own body instead of fighting it. A story of refusing to give up on myself even when everything felt impossible.

And no, this isn’t a “before and after.”

This is a continuum. A life in motion. What physical wellness looks like for me now is not gym memberships or marathons or fitness trackers screaming at me. Okay, actually, I do like my fitness tracker but you know what I mean. It’s not punishment or restriction or trying to force my body into someone else’s idea of health.

It’s quieter than that.

Gentler.

More honest.

It looks like:

• learning how to move my body in ways that don’t hurt

• celebrating the fact that I can move at all, when there was a time I couldn’t

• documenting my food intake without shame or obsession

• understanding what nourishes me and what derails me

• noticing how my body responds to stress, sleep, hydration, and routine

• building trust with myself, one small choice at a time

For the first time in my life, I feel like I have some control over an aspect of my life that used to baffle me. Not total control — I’m human — but enough to feel grounded instead of lost.

My First Physical Wellness Goal

Just like with emotional wellness, I started small.

Very small.

My first goal wasn’t “exercise more” or “lose weight” or “eat clean.”

It was simply: “Go to my first physical therapy session.” Just go. Not reschedule. Not cancel. Not talk myself out of it.

I was terrified — of being judged, of being dismissed, of being told something I wasn’t ready to hear. But I still went. And that one act of showing up cracked something open for me. It proved that I could do hard things without punishing myself. It proved that I could take care of my body without shame leading the way. It proved that physical wellness could be mine.

If you want to try this too, your first physical wellness goal doesn’t need to be dramatic. It doesn’t need to be visible. It doesn’t need to impress anyone.
It can be something like:

• “Notice how my body feels after meals.”

• “Stretch for two minutes in the morning.”

• “Drink water before I reach for caffeine.”

• “Take one slow walk a week.”

• “Rest when I’m tired instead of pushing through.”

Physical wellness isn’t about shrinking.

It’s about inhabiting your life.

In the next post, I’ll be talking about Financial Wellness — the spoke nobody wants to talk about but everyone feels. And trust me, I have thoughts. Because wellness isn’t just about the body. It’s about the whole life that body has to live.

Emotional Wellness: Learning to Feel Without Falling Apart

When I first started looking at the Wellness Wheel, emotional wellness was the spoke I wanted to skip. Not because I didn’t think it mattered, but because I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it. I’ve spent a lot of my life either pushing feelings down or letting them run the show, and neither approach has ever worked particularly well.

Over time, and with a lot of therapy, I’ve learned that emotional wellness is not about controlling your emotions. It’s about understanding them. It’s about accepting the reality of them. Our emotions are part of us. If we’re going to accept ourselves, we have to accept what we’re feeling as well.

It’s about noticing what you feel, why you feel it, and what you need in that moment — without spiraling, shutting down, or judging yourself for being human.

And let me tell you, that is a skill.

The truth is, emotions don’t disappear just because we ignore them.

They leak out in other ways — irritability, exhaustion, overeating, overspending, snapping at people we care about, or feeling like everything is too much when nothing specific has gone wrong.

For me, emotional wellness started with one extremely simple goal:

“Establish this chart and reflect on it at the end of the month.”

That was it.

Not “heal my inner child.”

Not “be more positive.”

Not “master emotional regulation.”

Just… make the chart and look at it later.

And honestly? That was enough. It gave me a place to start. It gave me a moment of intentionality. It gave me a way to check in with myself without pressure or performance.

What emotional wellness looks like for me now

It’s not dramatic. It’s not glamorous. It’s not something I post on Instagram.

It’s small moments, like:

• noticing when I’m overwhelmed instead of pushing through

• taking a breath before reacting

• letting myself cry without apologizing

• recognizing when I need quiet

• recognizing when I need connection

• giving myself permission to have a bad day 

And yes, sometimes it’s something as simple as a scent that grounds me. Hair mist has become a tiny emotional anchor — a sensory cue that helps me settle when my mind is buzzing. When I was seeing my oncologist, I kept a very soft piece of fabric in my purse and ran my fingers over it to keep myself steady. It’s not therapy, but it’s a tool. And tools matter.

If you want to try this too

Your first emotional wellness goal doesn’t need to be deep or profound.

It can be as simple as mine was:

• “Set up the chart.”

• “Check in once at the end of the month.”

Or, if you want something slightly more active:

• “Name my feelings once a day.”

• “Take three deep breaths before responding when I’m upset.”

• “Reach out to one supportive person each week.”

• “Give myself permission to rest when I’m overwhelmed.”

Small is enough.

Small is sustainable.

Small is how emotional wellness actually grows.

In the next post, I’ll be talking about Physical Wellness — not in the “run a marathon” sense (we all know that’s never happening), but in the “listen to your body and treat it like it matters” sense.

Because it does.

And so do you.

The Wellness Wheel Miniseries Intro

When I first learned about the concept of whole health, it stopped me in my tracks. I’d spent years thinking wellness was something you handled in pieces — a skincare routine here, a walk there, maybe a meditation app you opened twice and then forgot about. But according to SAMHSA, wellness isn’t a single habit or a single choice. It’s a wheel, and every spoke matters.

And when you think about it, that makes perfect sense.

Have you ever felt emotionally steady when your money was a mess? No one does. No one can.

If your homelife is stressful or dangerous, it makes you feel physically ill.

Despite what the commercials and gurus might tell you, wellness isn’t a candle and a bath. I mean, those help, but it's so much more than that.

Wellness is the balanced structure of your life.

Once I understood that, something clicked. It actually clicked. I felt a sudden kind of epiphany moment that, okay, so maybe this is the key to all of it making sense. The problem being a lot of the time many of these spokes are out of my control. There isn't much I can do to to where everything works for me. 

Not much, oh but there was some.

So I started small.

I began setting Monthly Wellness Goals — one tiny, doable goal for each spoke of the Wellness Wheel. Nothing dramatic. Nothing overwhelming. Just one small action that nudged me toward feeling better, steadier, and more in control.

At the end of each month, I sit cross-legged in front of my computer with a bottle of flavored water and look over how things went. Not with judgment, but with curiosity. What helped? What didn’t? What surprised me? What needs more attention next month?

It’s become significant in my journey toward having a better life. 

If you’d like to try it too — especially if you enjoy physically writing things out — I’ve created a simple printable you can use. It’s yours. Use it as often as you want, decorate it, scribble on it, spill coffee on it. Make it part of your own wellness journey.

Over the next several posts, I’ll be exploring each spoke of the Wellness Wheel in more depth — emotional, physical, financial, social, environmental, occupational, intellectual, and spiritual wellness — and sharing what I’ve learned (and am still learning) along the way.

At the end of the day, we deserve to be as healthy as possible, in as many ways as we can make that happen. 

Sometimes Not So Well

I try to keep fairly meticulous notes about my life. What I eat, what I do, how I feel, weekly goals, monthly goals, etc. Today I realized I didn't set any weekly goals for myself. This worried me for a bit because I know I am better off having that as part of my routine and I don't want to lose it.

Then I remembered that last week was very stressful. My car is in the shop. I didn't feel well. Someone is threatening my future stability. It's just a lot. I mean, it's usually a lot but lately it just seems like my momentum is going but everything is still requiring so much from me, from my roommate, from everyone. 

So yeah, I was too overwhelmed on Sunday to set goals. I may be too overwhelmed this week as well. Hopefully not, but if I am, I just have to realize it's part of the process.  

Allure Beauty Box February 2026: My Thoughts

My Allure Beauty Box arrived somewhat battered. Everything was fine on the inside but the box had some damage. I took the time to assess everything and my thoughts are pretty mixed. Was I pleased? With some of it, but there was also one major dud. Anyway, as always, criteria.

DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS?

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS?

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE?

DO I FEEL CHEATED?

SIDIA Solid Perfume Braless (Customization product– $48 value)
The packaging is elegant and simple, a very weighty, solid black. I really like the look of it. The scent is delicate. The best way I could describe it is 'clean' and I like that. It seems pretty open to anyone in that regard. It doesn't feel greasy when applied.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? I will use this. I have been using this consistently since I got it.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? I am. Honestly it was the element of the box I was most excited for.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? I was a little dismayed at how small it is, but the packaging is provocative in that it's metal and very heavy. It feels interesting in the hand.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? Not at all.

First Aid Beauty Bronze + Glow Dropswith Niacinimide ($28 value)

I've had trouble learning to control bronzers and make them work for me. When I read about this one and found out it was drops in a tube, I just really didn't know what to expect or how to handle it. It is tricky to apply and I'm going to have to practice a lot to get it right, but I do enjoy the way it looks on my skin. It blends well while still giving a nice bit of healthy color.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? When I used it earlier today, I liked the subtlety of it. So many bronzing items are just too dark for me but this works quite well.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? I see a lot of potential here.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? They are, aside from the fact that there is a certain learning curve when it comes to application. This bottle wants to spit out a lot of product. You have to be careful when you open it.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? I really don't.

UZO Blaque Liquide Eyeliner ($24 value)

I love this product's look. It's a metal container and feels substantial. The liner is well-pigmented and glides on decently. It held up on me for about three hours before just fading out completely and that's unusual given how my body typically deals with liners. If this were black or gray or blue, I would have been a lot happier, but I can't fault it.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? It's a black eyeliner. I have to be careful with such things because they can come off as harsh against my coloring. But we'll see. Maybe I can smoke it out in a way that works for me.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? It's a black eyeliner so when I found out it was part of the box, I wasn't that happy. Now that I have it, though, it does have good coverage and doesn't run when my eyes water. That's pretty astounding given my history with eyeliners.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? When I saw the liner and held it in my hand, my impression was quite positive. The container is heavy and feels very lux. Once I tested the liner out, I found it actually held up pretty well. So yeah, good first impression.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? Even though I did not want another black eyeliner, I'm not that upset with this one. It's a good product and I think I can somewhat make it work for me.

CNP Propolis Jelly Lipcerin™ Honey Lip Butter ($17.90 value)

This comes in a stout little bright yellow container. You remove the lid and then click on it until the product comes out of a hole in the middle. Unless you're using a brush, at this point things are going to get sticky and messy. However, it does hydrate well and the scent is nice.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? As above, it's sticky and messy. And yet, I find myself reaching for it. I have no doubt I'll use this completely. It just hydrates that well.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? Not really. I'm not mad at it either though.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? No. My first impression was that this was a lot of steps to get to a lip product. I mean, it was just a few steps, but that still seems like too many. My second impression was that it's just everywhere when you try to apply it. It wasn't until a while later that I noticed how great my lips felt that I decided to come around on it.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? No. It's a pretty decent little product and does what it's supposed to do.

Cuccio Milk & Honey Cuticle Oil Roll-On ($5.69 value)

I didn't even know cuticle oil was a thing but I'm glad I do now. This bottle is a decent size and the roll-on works well. You never want roll-ons to be too large because there is always the risk of them gunking up. I don't think this one will, though.

DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? I certainly do. My cuticles are a disaster and any help I can get with them is welcome.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? Yes. I have such high hopes for this product. I plan on being very diligent about using it so that I can actually get some kind of improvement happening on my nails.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? My main concern was over there being a faulty roll-on applicator but it seems to be fine. The oil feels nice. I'm sure it will take a while for me to actually get some kind of change going on.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? No. Even though this was a cheaper product, it still seems like an okay one to fill out a beauty box.

Sephora Collection Express WaterproofEye Makeup Remover($4 value)

I have so many questions. Why is a Sephora anything in an Allure box? Why would anything this cheap be in the box? Don't they realize we all have makeup remover wipes for this? I get that it's supposed to help remove more stubborn levels of eye makeup, but still. Could we not have thought of anything else to include? Maybe a nice hair product?
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? No.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? No.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? No.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? Yes.

I'm not going to rank them this time because I think my thoughts on the matter are fairly clear. A few hits, a few misses, a few kind of in the middle. It certainly didn't blow me away. Allure could have done a lot better than this.

Ode to an Empty: ELEMIS Pro Collagen Energizing Marine Cleanser

 

Ahh, Elemis. How I love you. How I miss you when you are gone. This is the second product by this company that I have finished and again, I am left both bittersweet and satisfied. All I can do now is write this goodbye blog post and, of course, do my usual assessment.

1. Did I use this?
Clearly, as I'm writing about it after it has been completely emptied. And I do mean completely. I was squeezing the very last bits out of it to have as many days with it as possible.

2. Was it a good amount?
Speaking of me getting product out of this tube, I must say it certainly lasted me quite a while. I was only using it as a nightly cleanse, but still, for a deluxe mini to last over two months is pretty great. Of the many things one must give Elemis, being generous with product is certainly one of them.

3. Did I enjoy it?
I think one of the keys to sticking to a skin routine is finding products you look forward to using. Whenever I thought about starting my nightly face ritual, the idea of putting this product on my skin always made me happy. It has a mild, lovely scent that always leaves me feeling very fresh and calm. It went on gently. My skin felt good after each use.

4. Did it live up to my expectations?
Elemis is an expensive product so I expect a lot from it. So far, it has not disappointed me. As I mentioned above, I always receive a good amount, even in the minis, and have a great experience. This was no exception. My skin is so much better after using this cleanser.

5. Would I repurchase?
If I had the money to shell out for it, I would purchase it in a heartbeat.

Another great thing about this cleanser is that it lasted until it absolutely needed to. I have more cleanser arriving today so this worked out well. I mean, it's not like that was planned or anything, but it's a nice little touch.

Waiting

A lot of my boxes are being held up because of weather issues. I had planned to have my reviews done by now but it looks like that won't be the case. In the meantime, I have a couple of small things I can do. I feel like when I have momentum going in my head, it gets so frustrating when it isn't playing out in the real world.

Speaking of the real world, I'm dealing with some waiting issues there as well. Things need to stay on time and on schedule so I can change my plans as needed. It's a complicated process and will end up involving all the stuff related to surgery. It's a lot and I really resent that certain people are trying to make this more difficult on everyone. 

Meanwhile, I wait. I'm doing my best to occupy myself with other projects and plots, all the while hoping I don't get overwhelmed or burned out. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Grief, Change, Anger, Healing

The last few years of my life have had a lot of changes. The most significant of which was the death of my father. I think about my dad every day. I wake up and look at his guitar and smile. I think about his voice and the way he used to play games with me when I was very little. I think about how, after he divorced my mom, I would weep whenever he brought me home from visitation. I'm not even sure how old I was when I stopped crying after he would drop me off. It was years.

When it comes to grief, you cycle through emotions. Right now I'm angry. I'm angry that he was taken from me. I'm angry that so much time was stripped from us because of the divorce and my mom moving us away. I'm angry that he died so suddenly. I lost my mom in my thirties, and it was difficult, but nowhere near as difficult as this. 

I am trying to find ways to heal from this, but it isn't easy. Emotionally, this is one of the most painful transitions I've had to make. My dad was my favorite. Now he's gone. I hate that so much. 

IPSY Extra February 2026: My Thoughts

I wasn't expecting IPSY to send the Extra box this month, which somewhat saddened me as I really liked the selections. Imagine my surprise when it showed up before any other February subscription. I'm glad because it's giving me some time to explore everything before the other ones get here. So let's look at what I received. As usual, we have some criteria.

DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS?

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS?

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE?

DO I FEEL CHEATED?

ICONIC LONDON Handbag Glam Face Brush Set

I had no idea this was even in the offering, but wow, do I love it. The brushes are soft and gather product very well. They're lightweight, which I enjoy in a brush, and have a good handfeel. As this is Iconic London, they have a good deal of quality to them. And the little case they came in is very nice as well. I'm quite pleased.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? I will always use brushes. I'm very much a brush person when it comes to cosmetics and I know these will be utilized a good deal.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? I wasn't expecting brushes but yes, I'm very excited to have them and excited to explore what Iconic London can offer.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE?
Yes. I used them to apply the face palette and they worked quite well. They even tickle a little. They hold a lot of product.

DO I FEEL CHEATED?
Not at all. I'm quite happy with the brushes.

LUCKY CHICK Mystic Halo FacePalette
This palette has pressed powders and has one highlighter in Aura, blushes in Rise and Soul, and a bronzer in Fate. The pans are a good size, which is important. I hate it when blushes are small because they're so hard to get out with the brushes.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? I do. I use a lot of face color stuff and I certainly think I will use these.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? I really am. I'm still very much exploring the potential of blushes, highlighters, and bronzers so any that I have to experiment with are welcome.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? Very positive. I love the color story in this palette.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? I do not. This is a decent product size for Extra.

HAUS LABS Color Fuse Glassy Blush BalmStick

As I mentioned in a previous post, this is Lady Gaga's brand and I've been curious to see what she does with her cosmetics. When I opened it, I was very charmed by the packaging. I'm pleased with the size of this and while I wasn't sure about how the color would work on me at first, it's swatched out well.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? I do. Even if I don't use it as a blush, I'll probably use it on my lips.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? Am I excited to own something from Haus Labs? I most certainly am.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? My first impression is even better than I thought it would be. I really find this color to be beautiful.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? Absolutely not.

ELEMIS Balancing Lavender Toner

I love Elemis as a brand but I wasn't sure how I would feel about this because of the lavender. I was still glad to receive it, though, because I needed a toner. One of the things I liked right away was that it has a spray top. That pleased me because it means I'm not trying to flip this down and try not to spill it everywhere.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? I will use this until it's gone. I've already used it several times.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? I am excited both to explore what a toner can do for me and also to see how well Elemis can produce one.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? I am shocked at how well this is working for me. Clearly I needed a toner because my pores are getting cleared of things I didn't even know were still on my face. Instead of being overwhelmed by the scent, I find it relaxing and refreshing.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? No, this is a good-sized product and it will last for quite a while. I'm very happy with this.

DOMINIQUE COSMETICS Moisture Grip SerumPrimer

I'm still on the hunt for a primer that really works for me. So far they've just not done what I needed them to do, despite the fact that I leave them alone for a decent amount of minutes. This one intrigues me because it's not just a primer, it's also a serum. The fact that this is supposed to help keep your face hydrated and plumped while you wear it would be quite a bonus for me.
DO I THINK I WILL USE THIS? I will. And if it does what it says it will do, I will use all of it.

AM I EXCITED FOR THIS? I am very hopeful for this. I hope it works.

ARE MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS POSITIVE? It's thick and it feels good on my skin. It pumps out well and gave me good coverage.

DO I FEEL CHEATED? No this is a good product that does double duty so I'm very happy to have it.

I find myself very pleased with this month's Extra box. It's actually my favorite-sized box of everything IPSY offers and I have a feeling it will tend to be the one I enjoy the most. Even though it has only one outright skincare item, the primer functions as a serum too. I also love that I received the brushes. This feels like a very balanced box.

Wellness Printable

When it comes to the whole self and wellness, we have to look at many aspects of the self in order to begin to achieve this.  According to SAMHSA, whole health is multifaceted and incorporates every part of our lives. Think about it, you're not really able to feel well if you're having trouble with money or housing or how you're going to get from place to place. 

When I first learned about this concept, I was blown away. It really made a lot of sense to me and I set about trying to bring it into my life. To that end, I started
setting Monthly Wellness Goals. I take each spoke of the Wellness Wheel and set a small goal for that aspect. At the end of the month, I do an assessment of how well I achieved my goals. 

If you are interested in doing the same and enjoy physically writing things out, here is a printable I created for that purpose. Use it all you want. 

Allure Beauty Box March 2026 Customization Spoilers

Allure has put out sneak peeks for March. Customization opens 2/3—featuring four choices of Rose Inc Cream Blush Refillable Cheek & Lip Color. Rose Inc's tagline is “clean beauty powered by science,” and they are very big into the clean beauty movement. As usual with Allure, they're giving you four options.  As far as the options go, I feel like this is kind of Goldilocks for me.

-Hydrangea (light cool pink)
Too light. It's a pretty color but I think it would just disappear on my face. I need something that's going to actually show up on my skin.

-Azalea (berry)
Too dark. In this case, I think this would make me look like someone slapped me. I really can't wear berry shades.

-Heliotrope (nude apricot)
Just right. I love the warmth and richness of this shade. It's truly beautiful and would complement my skin quite well.

-Foxglove (warm terracotta)
Probably too dark. I think this would read as a bronzer on me and possibly be too orange.

Given all of that, the choice I would make is the Heliotrope. The best match for me all the way around plus I really love the name.

Granted, they're all beautiful shades. I think any of them would work for the right person. Overall, this seems to be a good choice for the month. Which one would you choose?

Month in Reflection: Five Lessons Learned in January 2026

January is over and we're on to a new month of beauty subscriptions, but I thought it was a good idea to go back and look at the discoveries and standouts of last month. After all, learning how to be the architect of my own beauty is my goal for the year. It's worth assessing what I actually learned in the last 31 days and what aspects of the boxes helped me.

LESSON ONE: YOU HAVE TO LET SCENTS SETTLE

When I smelled Mitchell & Peach English Leaf Body Soufflé Cream, I was not a fan. I thought it was too pungent, specifically basil. I did not like it at all and thought about giving it away to someone. But after a bit of having it on my skin, I found that I really loved it. I enjoyed the clean, natural notes of it and how they worked with my chemistry. Now it is a go-to product that I use as often as I can get away with it. Conclusion? Let scents sit on you for a while before you pass judgment.

LESSON TWO: OH WOW. MY LASHES CAN LOOK LONG!

When it comes to my eyelashes, I've always felt pretty hopeless. They're short, fine, and sparse. Whenever I would apply mascara, it would always smudge, run, and make my eyes watery. That was before I received my Kulfi Beauty Badi LashSmudge Proof Volumizing Tubing Mascara in Black. Tubing mascara coats your lashes and stays put until you're ready to remove it. It also forms, well, little tubes around the lashes and helps to make them look thicker and longer. For once, for once, this actually worked for me. I usually have to apply at least three coats, but once I have, my lashes look amazing. Conclusion? I actually have hope about finding other products/techniques to deal with my various issues.

LESSON THREE: HAIR MIST IS A MUST-HAVE FOR ME
Scent can do so many things for us. It can summon memories, it can boost our confidence, and it can also instantly improve our mood. This last one is what EVEREDEN'S Hair and Body Fragrance Mist in Darling does for me on a daily basis. Whenever I'm stressed or sad, spraying just a little bit on my hair actually helps to ground and center me. It gives me a bit of joy that is needed and well-deserved. Will I go through this bottle quickly? Probably so, but after it's finished, I'm going to buy another hair mist. Conclusion? Little moments of joy can make all the difference.

LESSON FOUR: LIFE IS BETTER WHEN YOUR SKIN FEELS AMAZING

Last month, I put some amazing things on my skin, though nothing quite as wonderful as the ELEMIS Peptide4Plumping PillowFacial. I know I've blogged about this before, but wow, this was good. The thing I've figured out is that my skin can affect so much about what's going on with my day. If it's irritated, I'm irritated. If it feels rough, I'm not happy. If it's being sensitive, I'm not able to focus as well as I should. Listening to my skin and giving it what it needs has really helped improve things for me. Conclusion? Sometimes the issue is that you need to be moisturized.

LESSON FIVE: SERUMS ARE A VITAL PART OF A SKINCARE ROUTINE

Serum. It doesn't sound appealing. It sounds like something unpleasant on your skin. Oh how wrong I was about that. This probably started with my exploration of body and hair oil, but it's certainly moved on to the wonders of what face oils and face serums can do. I think 8 Faces Brilliance Serum was able to disarm my apprehension with its beautiful packaging. When I saw that bottle, I WANTED to try it. I needed to try it. Once I did, I realized what an important step this was in taking care of my skin. I've discovered how skincare can be a luxurious process full of beautiful sensory moments. A good serum can really add to that.

As I transition into my elderly years, I want things to be as good for me as possible. I want my days to have intention. I want my time to be used in ways that truly improve my life. This year-long journey of discovery is supposed to help me with that. I think, overall, January was successful in that regard.