Grief, Change, Anger, Healing

The last few years of my life have had a lot of changes. The most significant of which was the death of my father. I think about my dad every day. I wake up and look at his guitar and smile. I think about his voice and the way he used to play games with me when I was very little. I think about how, after he divorced my mom, I would weep whenever he brought me home from visitation. I'm not even sure how old I was when I stopped crying after he would drop me off. It was years.

When it comes to grief, you cycle through emotions. Right now I'm angry. I'm angry that he was taken from me. I'm angry that so much time was stripped from us because of the divorce and my mom moving us away. I'm angry that he died so suddenly. I lost my mom in my thirties, and it was difficult, but nowhere near as difficult as this. 

I am trying to find ways to heal from this, but it isn't easy. Emotionally, this is one of the most painful transitions I've had to make. My dad was my favorite. Now he's gone. I hate that so much.